healing hurts

this year is a year of recovery
a time that we have set aside to stop
breathe
begin the process of grieving what we have lost
feel the weight of what we have seen
lay on the floor amidst the broken pieces
and weep
scream
until there is nothing to do......
but get up
battered....
and bloody.
we are getting up.
and I would love to tell you.........
of the beauty
of the peace
of the miraculous
the happy ending I so desperately ache for
but....
no
not today
today we force ourselves forward
tired
weak
we manage what seems completely unmanageable
stumble through
daily waves
angry fits of rage
sadness
confusion
the debris
that comes with healing
six therapy appointments a week
piles of books
support groups
conversations that will rip your heart out
All while trying to live in the land of the living......
trying to pretend that we are are OK
trying
to believe we will survive this
I'm told we will survive this
and most of the time....
i believe it